This is my first post since the beginning of our new year. I wasn’t ready to write until now. Thank you for joining me here.
I have been practicing going with the flow so I have tried my best to be patient with myself and in knowing that the time to write would return. And here I am. Phew.
I am in the midst of moving (now more like unpacking and organizing and more unpacking) and have been in a state of flux for what feels like way too long now. I have moved to a space where I plan to stay planted for at least a good while.
(Sidenote: when I typed ‘plan’ it came out ‘plant’ – thought it completely appropriate so I used it)
But…as we all know…we can make plans and hope for certain things but that does not mean what happens will look even vaguely like what we wrote down, designed, thought up or squeezed our eyes shut and wished for with all our might.
In my opinion, the Universe or Spirit or insert the word that is right for you here _______ has its own plan for us and our growth.
Especially for those of us stupid brave enough to ask for the things that are for our highest good. Such as the things that will make us a better person or teach us how to really love. Yes, that’s me. I even still have the piece of paper that I scribbled it on what seems like eons ago.
Hhhmmmm…
All I am left with for a come back to this is be careful what you ask for. Ha!
But seriously, I am really glad (sometimes only in hindsight) for all of my experiences and what they show me and teach me. It’s just a lot. A lot to feel. A lot to process. A lot to keep letting go of.
To return to my two words for the new year: connection and communication – this transition and change has given me multiple chances to more deeply connect to myself and to communicate clearly what I want (with myself).
(To read about how I chose my two words for 2010, read the post before this one…below.)
Just in the past week, I have moved far enough away from my old haunts that seemingly made me feel safer when I visited them.
I write ’seemingly’ because I now think that the old haunts were just familiar to me and my cell memory – not necessarily safer or even that good for me anymore.
But, even though they may not have been safer the fact I moved far enough away still leaves me (and my cells) with a feeling of urgency/fear/frozenness at times.
And… with space (yay…space) to discover new places that will eventually turn into familiars and space to actually discover what truly makes me feel safe. Shudder.
And..yes…time. I now have time. Plenty of time.
I am searching actively for a new 2nd job for some income and as a way to meet some new cool people. I don’t know anyone where I moved to.
And, my new home does not yet feel like home. Yes, Starr (my divinely loving and devout companion) is right here with me, so is my journal and a pen and yes…even my computer but everything is unfamiliar.
The house. Hallways. Closets. The roads. The town. Where the heck did I see that sign? That store? Did I even see it here? Ugh.
One step at a time. One moment at a time. Trying to let go a little more…just a little.
After all, it seemed to take hanging on with all of my might to get here but now it takes letting go and allowing to truly be here.
Ahhh….relationship. Relationship with myself – where it all begins.
To communication and connection and being opened up in new ways – new opportunity to know myself, accept myself and love myself.
Breathe.
