We always have a choice of what to concentrate on. What to listen to. What to engage with.
Today, in the face of a very loud voice, I was dealing with the choice of whether or not to judge myself and whether or not to feel badly. Went something like this:
Medium-to-loud voice in my head: Wow…now you know you shouldn’t be in this situation at the age that you are.
Me: Yeah…I K N O W. (big sigh/shoulders starting to slump)
Voice: If ONLY you had made different choices.
Me: But look how much progress I have made in such a short amount of time. (looking back at the last year)
Voice: But is this where you R E A L L Y want to be NOW??
Me: No…(taking quick inventory of my life)…well…but…ok…now wait...
Voice: Mmmhmmm….see…
Me: My life DOES have MANY components of what I DO WANT.
Me – directed at Me and the Voice : YEAH - you have been working HARD girl!
Me - directed at Me and the Voice: Damn straight! I have been choosing to work on myself/support myself through some really important hard stuff. If other things had to take a back seat then that is just the way it is. I am alright just where I am! Back OFF voice!
Voice: (silence)
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I think we ALL have days when it is really easy to entertain the voices we have in our heads – the shouldas, wouldas, couldas – ESPECIALLY when we are afraid or unsure.
The shouldas/wouldas/couldas…You know them – yah them!
They exist for everyone. Yes, everyone.
And…it’s not about getting them to go away.
It’s about asking ourselves what we need when they start raising their voices and when we are feeling vulnerable/afraid/unsafe.
As this was all happening earlier today, I called up my cohort in crime good good friend and said that I just needed to talk things through…she was all ears. (makes her sound like she has big ears – she has nice ears actually)
I s-p-e-l-l-e-d it out for her myself. My friend just listened. Like a pro.
The truth was easy to hear. (Sometimes, the truth isn’t easy to hear or even catch a fleeting glimpse of and that is OK – I knew that if I couldn’t my cohort COULD hear the truth. Or…I would make another call to work through it.)
If what you are thinking is making you feel badly in any way…it is NOT the truth. Period.
I am not my fear. I am not my doubt. Even if I did make a poor decision (which I did NOT), I am not THAT DECISION.
I am me.
Starr is telling me: (as I write this) Yes, you are YOU. Lovable YOU. Always OK and always worthy of kindness and understanding.
NO MATTER WHAT.
Me: Thank you, Starrlight. You are my wonder guru of a fab dog – the MOST FAB dog! Period.
We always have a choice of what to concentrate on. What to think about. What to engage with. Always.
Be kind to yourself. (and if in the moment, you can’t be kind to yourself, think of someone who IS kind to you or call them up!)
Maya,
I absolutely agree with you, and in fact i have been through similar situations many many times and i find it trying to get through them sometimes but the advice you gave in your blog is just what the doctor ordered. Thanks for expressing and sharing this because of this blog i now know how to deal with those situations, and on top of that, I asked the angels for help and they have already started to answer me. I find it interesting that they answered a question that i didn’t even ask but it was still really bothering me and stressing me out, and they have come to me and answered to ease my mind a bit from the stressers of everyday life…
Maya…Thank you for being you, your truly are an amazing individual, person and friend and you are really an amazing Healer even when you don’t think your doing anything. You have helped me a lot and i cant express my graditude towards you. Thanks for everything you do and keep on smiling….
Jeremy,
Thank you so much for your comment!
I appreciate your feedback so much. I just always hope that my own experiences can help others in some way. Even if to just add some humor to their own challenging moments.
Gotta love the angels!
Peace, love and smiles,
Maya and Starr